Today was a big day. I feel like today should be marked by something huge. However, the day was quite normal from start to finish. I slept as long as I possibly could until I had to get up to get to school on time. I taught kids. I worried about test results. I tried to give kids my “I’m-totally-serious-about-this-school-year-but-I-am-also-nice” vibe. I tried to learn names and figure out my previous connections to kids. I discovered that a large percentage of the kids in 5th grade were either siblings of past students or the children of people I went to school with. That happens fast in a small town.
At the end of the day, I got many hugs and best wishes. It all felt very surreal. Part of me still can’t wrap my head around this season of life ending. School is all I’ve ever known. I have been in school continuously since 1986…I was 4 years old. I thrive on its schedules and routines. I basically think the calendar year is actually September to August. I don’t understand how any adult couldn’t know all the words to “My Country ‘tis of Thee.” You could say that I have no memory of life without school and you would be right.
Being a teacher is easily one of the biggest things I draw my identity from. Thankfully, it is only one of the biggest things, with who I am in God and who I am in my family making up much of my identity as well. I will need those more than ever now.
In my adult life, teaching has been one of the only constants. Everything except that has changed. Relationships, housing, cars, friendships, churches…only Middleburgh Elementary School and the fact that I teach there has remained untouched by any of life’s changes. Until now.
One season ends and another begins. Now I trade what I’ve been trained to do for what I was born to do. I trade all I know for the great unknown of motherhood. I give up financial gain for coupons and budgets. I leave a very public sphere of influence for a very private one…a very small one. I stop submitting to a principal and a superintendent and I submit myself to the role of wife and mother.
I am very blessed to be able to make this choice…the choice to stay home for a season and be a Mom. The change is big but it is the right one for my family and me. It comes with sacrifice and a whole lot of questions but I know how fortunate I am.
My whole life I wanted to be two things when I grew up…for the last 8 years I have done one…now…now is the time for the other.
|A photo from the 1st day of school this year.|